The True Nature of the Narcissists

A series of articles on Narcissism (Part 12)

By Prof. Rudy L. Miranda

Loving the Narcissist but Hating Narcissism?

Narcissism is not abusive, the abuse is the one that is abusive?

There is a school of thought that narcissism in essence is not abusive and that it is the abuse that is actually abusive. Hence, is it possible to love the narcissists and at the same time hate narcissism just like loving the sinner but hating the sins? Can we separate the abuser from the abuse?

Disclaimer:
What expressed in this article by this writer is his own thoughts and perception. This writer respects other people opinion or expertise. Respect begets respect so this writer will not in anyway force anybody to accept this opinion but just to respect them and it is up to the readers to form their own beliefs if not perception.

Is it possible to separate the narcissist from narcissism just like separating the sinner from his/her sins?

There is perhaps some varying degrees of narcissism and it does not mean that if there is no actual emotional, psychological or physical abuse at the moment or at the present outset then narcissism is ok and we can tolerate it and moreso love the narcissist.

There is a widespread secular belief that there is inherently good in man. A philosopher named Jean Jacques Rousseau is one of the proponent of this belief and he has many adherents, among them is Douglas McGregor, a management guru, who formulated the Theory X and Theory Y application to management.

On the other hand, the Holy Bible refuted this notion a long time ago.

“As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one.”
— Romans 3:10-12 (KJV)

Further, Ephesians 2:1-5 confirmed that our standing before God before we accepted the deliverance and are transferred to the family of God as one that is by nature the children of wrath fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind.

“Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience: Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.”
— Ephesians 2:2-3 (KJV)

Rousseau and McGregor believed that there is inherently good in man but God said "there is none that doeth good, no, not one.". This writer will rather believe God than these philosophers. Hence, we need to look up to God and accept His offer of mercy, love, healing, redemption and salvation. Then and only then that a person with the old sinful nature will be renewed in the spirit of their mind that he/she will able to put on the new man(new nature).

“And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;”
— Ephesians 4:23 (KJV)

“And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.”
— Ephesians 4:24 (KJV)

The narcississts if he/ she was called into salvation by God and his/her name written in the book of life (John 20:30), then and only then that he/she can be cured of narcissism. However, (I can not be the judge of this.) will the narcissists accept the deliverance of the Lord?

It is inherent to the nature of narcissists to love themselves only and they are not capable of loving anybody even God. In all probability therefore, the narcississts will not accept the deliverance, redemption and salvation of God. By nature, they are the children of disobedience (Col 3:6). My personal contention, therefore, is that narcissists will not accept the deliverance of God.

The abuse has no mind on its own but the abuser does. We can not separate the abuser from the abuse. They are integral parts of the whole. Mankind after the fall of Adam and Eve was given the ability to differentiate good and evil, right and wrong. Narcissists have this capability as well. But the narcissists will never see and recognize that their actions are evil or wrong. This will make narcissists potentially evil, wicked and dangerous. They can be considered belonging to the congregation of evil doers.

“I have hated the congregation of evil doers; and will not sit with the wicked.”
— Psalms 26:5 (KJV)

The average person, in the eyes of God, is not good. Narcissists are not average people. They can be considered as children of disobedience. Being so, they are the enemy of God.

".....know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.”
— James 4:4 (KJV)

Evil is beyond the scope of our imagination. The earlier we stay out of evil, the more peaceful our lives will be.

The final question is do we really love the narcissists? Have we not considered that we may inadvertently mistaken trauma bonds as love because of the love bombings of the narcissists?

At the end of the day, it is your life and not mine. You choose to believe what you want to believe and this writer will respect your belief. As for this writer, I believe in the Word of God and I will stay out of the way of evil wherever and whenever the circumstances presented itself.

“Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.”
— Psalms 34:14 (KJV)